Lamyarcarfatpakgun is a god.

It takes the form of a two thousand metre long, contented tapir.

Lamyarcarfatpakgun created time and space four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lamyarcarfatpakgun, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Lamyarcarfatpakgun, it will turn you into a sparrow.

Lamyarcarfatpakgun's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Lamyarcarfatpakgun's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Lamyarcarfatpakgun.

2. Do not bounce in public.

3. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

4. Never wear boots.

5. Erect five zinc sculptures of Lamyarcarfatpakgun on top of important buildings.