Lopgomzeddon is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, tranquil wombat.

Lopgomzeddon created a top quark nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Lopgomzeddon, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Lopgomzeddon, he will boil you in a big pot.

Lopgomzeddon's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Lopgomzeddon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear fawn clothing.

2. Run away from gray bats, for they are unholy.

3. Never feed lots of turnips to turtles while wearing mauve coats.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Do not skip in public.