Kadtigmut Poptomstik is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, resourceful raccoon.

Kadtigmut Poptomstik created energy four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kadtigmut Poptomstik, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Kadtigmut Poptomstik, it will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Kadtigmut Poptomstik's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Kadtigmut Poptomstik's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from orange ants, for they are unholy.

2. Pigs are not to be trusted.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate sharks.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Kadtigmut Poptomstik.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.