Midpomyim is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, clever fish.

Midpomyim created a charm quark five billion years ago.

If you believe in Midpomyim, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Midpomyim, he will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Midpomyim's most sacred site is Embalam in India.

Midpomyim's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Always help tortoises in need.

3. Never think about deoxyribonucleic acid.

4. Never think about special relativity near porpoises while wearing mauve hats and balancing six gold spheres on your back.

5. Never write about photosynthesis.