Bepjamhen is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, confident crane.

Bepjamhen created the planet Venus three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bepjamhen, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Bepjamhen, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Bepjamhen's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Bepjamhen's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about optics.

2. Always look after injured frogs.

3. Never skip in holy places.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate whales.

5. Always make sure there are no nematodes in a room before entering it.