Wankanpop is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, compassionate slug.

Wankanpop created Europe eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Wankanpop, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Wankanpop, he will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Wankanpop's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Wankanpop's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about spacetime near snakes while wearing purple boots and balancing three titanium spheres on your neck.

2. Do not take Wankanpop's name in vain.

3. Always wear black.

4. Never look at dwarf planets.

5. Always help sick monkeys.