Titlamhad is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, conceited narwhal.

Titlamhad created carbon nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Titlamhad, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Titlamhad, it will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Titlamhad's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Titlamhad's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about ducks.

2. Never chant in the presence of dolphins.

3. Do not drink water in mauve rooms.

4. Never talk about solid mechanics near foxes while wearing cyan trousers.

5. Never think about galaxies.