Nartgupkim is a god.

She takes the form of a small, all-powerful whale.

Nartgupkim created carbon nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Nartgupkim, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Nartgupkim, she will send you a sign.

Nartgupkim's most sacred site is Alyki in Greece.

Nartgupkim's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from white birds, for they are unholy.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Never think ill of sick goats.

4. Never feed aubergines to cats while wearing ear rings.

5. Rats are unholy and should not be approached.