Jabteenged is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, resourceful unicorn.

Jabteenged created the planet Saturn three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jabteenged, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Jabteenged, she will throw large rocks at you.

Jabteenged's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Jabteenged's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about chromosomes.

2. Never talk about birds.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Always make sure there are no pigs in a room before entering it.

5. Never look in ponds.