Artnigvol is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, selfish seal.

Artnigvol created an atom six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Artnigvol, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Artnigvol, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Artnigvol's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Artnigvol's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Always wear pink.

4. Always help grasshopers in need.

5. Do not trade with those who eat nuts.