Bastgovdad is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, humorless scorpion.

Bastgovdad created humankind three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bastgovdad, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Bastgovdad, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Bastgovdad's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Bastgovdad's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Never think about asteroids.

3. Always treat sharks with great respect.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Never think about thermodynamics near sheep while wearing purple scarves and balancing three carbon spheres on your back.