Arfbadcat is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, humorless finch.

Arfbadcat created bats six million years ago.

If you believe in Arfbadcat, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Arfbadcat, he will be very unhappy.

Arfbadcat's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Arfbadcat's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about photosynthesis.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Erect a giant zinc sculpture of Arfbadcat in the centre of the settlement.

5. Never think about dark energy near capybaras while wearing white jumpers and balancing five lead spheres on your head.