Padweeortxemyaryim is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, selfish parrot.

Padweeortxemyaryim created matter seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Padweeortxemyaryim, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Padweeortxemyaryim, he will destroy your favourite planet.

Padweeortxemyaryim's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Padweeortxemyaryim's Holy Commandments

1. Never sit in holy places.

2. Learn three new languages a year.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Never feed lots of lentils to snakes while wearing indigo hats.

5. Never paint your chest turquoise.