Quartmumspag is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, unthinking tortoise.

Quartmumspag created a quark four billion years ago.

If you believe in Quartmumspag, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Quartmumspag, she will try to impress you with trees.

Quartmumspag's most sacred site is Sanabo in Egypt.

Quartmumspag's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear trousers.

2. Erect eight silicon sculptures of Quartmumspag on top of important buildings.

3. Quartmumspag loves mice, so they must be honoured.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Always help cats in need.