Cissjarnrig is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, charitable narwhal.

Cissjarnrig created light four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cissjarnrig, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Cissjarnrig, she will be very sad.

Cissjarnrig's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Cissjarnrig's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick dogs.

2. Never jump near snakes.

3. Cissjarnrig must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Always wear orange.

5. Never eat green fruit.