Xemmindit is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, idiotic hamster.

Xemmindit created the planet Saturn five million years ago.

If you believe in Xemmindit, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Xemmindit, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Xemmindit's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Xemmindit's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Never think about the weak nuclear force near mites while wearing white shoes and balancing eight iron spheres on your feet.

3. Never talk about chromosomes.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate turtles.