Nartzanflap is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, happy pig.

Nartzanflap created matter three million years ago.

If you believe in Nartzanflap, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Nartzanflap, it will try to impress you with trees.

Nartzanflap's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Nartzanflap's Holy Commandments

1. Geese are not to be trusted.

2. Never talk about spacetime.

3. Always make sure there are no grasshopers in a building before entering it.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.