Omtkabcub is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, kind spider.

Omtkabcub created Europe eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Omtkabcub, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Omtkabcub, she will turn you into a snail.

Omtkabcub's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Omtkabcub's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear kilts.

2. Never write about chlorophyll.

3. Omtkabcub must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Do not eat rice.

5. Always take life seriously.