Kabtiftaf Yamquagren is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, generous chinchilla.

Kabtiftaf Yamquagren created a strange quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kabtiftaf Yamquagren, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Kabtiftaf Yamquagren, she will turn you into a slug.

Kabtiftaf Yamquagren's most sacred site is Pontelandolfo in Italy.

Kabtiftaf Yamquagren's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. You must pray to Kabtiftaf Yamquagren eight times a day.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Do not commit murder.