Veenfedpit is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, contented giraffe.

Veenfedpit created the planet Mars three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Veenfedpit, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Veenfedpit, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Veenfedpit's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Veenfedpit's Holy Commandments

1. Never run near doves.

2. Feed all hungry pigs.

3. Do not speak about wheat.

4. Erect a large carbon sculpture of Veenfedpit on top of all buildings.

5. Never think about dark matter.