Largwabven is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, overgenerous clam.

Largwabven created the planet Earth five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Largwabven, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Largwabven, it will send you a strongly worded letter.

Largwabven's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Largwabven's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant tin sculpture of Largwabven in the centre of the settlement.

2. Always obey Largwabven's priests.

3. Grasshopers are not to be trusted.

4. Never eat beans.

5. Learn three new languages a year.