Gofcednak is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, capable goblin.

Gofcednak created Europe two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gofcednak, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Gofcednak, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Gofcednak's most sacred site is Ans in Denmark.

Gofcednak's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Paint representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place in brown.

3. Gofcednak loves doves, so they must be respected.

4. Worship no other gods but Gofcednak.

5. Never laugh in holy places.