Fumstantailflig Timjathen is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, idiotic clam.

Fumstantailflig Timjathen created everything that exists six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fumstantailflig Timjathen, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Fumstantailflig Timjathen, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Fumstantailflig Timjathen's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Fumstantailflig Timjathen's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Fumstantailflig Timjathen.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Never think ill of sick moths.

4. Do not wear titanium on your body.

5. Never bounce in holy places.