Quafqueeg is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, tiresome dragon.

Quafqueeg created gold seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quafqueeg, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Quafqueeg, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Quafqueeg's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Quafqueeg's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from blue doves for they are unholy.

2. Never feed lots of melons to snakes while wearing pink kilts.

3. Always wear violet.

4. Do not wear indigo clothing.

5. Hide if four grasshopers approach from the west.