Tipgatjonmat Jipabrill is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, merciless gerbil.

Tipgatjonmat Jipabrill created dark matter two years ago.

If you believe in Tipgatjonmat Jipabrill, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Tipgatjonmat Jipabrill, he will not invite you to parties.

Tipgatjonmat Jipabrill's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Tipgatjonmat Jipabrill's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about cell theory.

2. Never think about gravity near foxes while wearing magenta trousers and balancing four copper spheres on your chest.

3. Never go into turquoise rooms.

4. Never leap near gulls.

5. Do not covet oxen.