Talwipquill is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, astonishing squirrel.

Talwipquill created a charm quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Talwipquill, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Talwipquill, it will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Talwipquill's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Talwipquill's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat figs.

2. You must pray to Talwipquill eight times a day.

3. Never sing in the presence of voles.

4. Never go into cyan rooms.

5. Never think about optics near hamsters while wearing magenta rings and balancing five platinum spheres on your back.