Tarbopflan Fenlagzig is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, caring centaur.

Tarbopflan Fenlagzig created a quark eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarbopflan Fenlagzig, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Tarbopflan Fenlagzig, she will destroy your home solar system.

Tarbopflan Fenlagzig's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Tarbopflan Fenlagzig's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Never feed pineapples to snakes while wearing mauve stockings.

3. Never wear yellow shoes.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Otters are unholy and should not be approached.