Zakgentif is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, almighty aardvark.

Zakgentif created the Whirlpool Galaxy eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zakgentif, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Zakgentif, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Zakgentif's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Zakgentif's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no geese in a room before entering it.

2. Do not wear nickel on your body.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.