Teenkonren is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, blissful cow.

Teenkonren created the world four years ago.

If you believe in Teenkonren, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Teenkonren, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Teenkonren's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Teenkonren's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Never think about archaea.

3. Never hurt cats.

4. Never feed gooseberries to dogs while wearing red boots.

5. Pray towards the east.