Appfumhig is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, quiet clam.

Appfumhig created matter eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Appfumhig, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Appfumhig, she will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Appfumhig's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Appfumhig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Never talk about asteroids.

3. Worship no other gods but Appfumhig.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Never play with disobedient children.