Gudmutsog is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, amazing alligator.

Gudmutsog created humanity five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gudmutsog, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Gudmutsog, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Gudmutsog's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Gudmutsog's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into green rooms.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Never write about galaxies.

4. Learn five new languages a year.

5. Never feed lots of parsnips to capybaras while wearing black coats.