Fidcindub is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, stupid gorilla.

Fidcindub created energy eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fidcindub, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Fidcindub, he will strike you with lightening.

Fidcindub's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Fidcindub's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear jumpers.

2. You must love Fidcindub.

3. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

4. Always look after injured horses.

5. Do not covet oxen.