Quimfagfutcet is a god.

It takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, sage newt.

Quimfagfutcet created matter four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quimfagfutcet, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Quimfagfutcet, it will laugh at you.

Quimfagfutcet's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Quimfagfutcet's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Quimfagfutcet six times a day.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

4. Do not drink water in white rooms.

5. Hide if seven dolphins approach from the south.