Cubtail is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, all-powerful newt.

Cubtail created tapeworms six million years ago.

If you believe in Cubtail, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Cubtail, she will turn you into a small brown duck.

Cubtail's most sacred site is Villaseta in Italy.

Cubtail's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no voles in a room before entering it.

2. Never talk about deoxyribonucleic acid.

3. Always look after injured manatees.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Do not stand on grass.