Gessabjarn is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, charitable hydra.

Gessabjarn created matter six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gessabjarn, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Gessabjarn, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Gessabjarn's most sacred site is Manamedu in India.

Gessabjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear shoes.

2. You must love Gessabjarn.

3. Never run in holy places.

4. Gessabjarn must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Never sprint in the presence of squirrels.