Flattargkad is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, selfish swallow.

Flattargkad created tapeworms seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flattargkad, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Flattargkad, she will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Flattargkad's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Flattargkad's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about special relativity near geese while wearing cyan hats.

2. Always make sure there are no ducks in a building before entering it.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Always pray immersed in water.