Hamkanxin is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, fussy weasel.

Hamkanxin created dark energy six million years ago.

If you believe in Hamkanxin, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Hamkanxin, she will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Hamkanxin's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Hamkanxin's Holy Commandments

1. Put Hamkanxin first in all things.

2. Erect a giant copper sculpture of Hamkanxin in the centre of the settlement.

3. Never think about bacteria.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.