Hasfadpad is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, stupid beaver.

Hasfadpad created a quark three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hasfadpad, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Hasfadpad, he will turn you into a mole.

Hasfadpad's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Hasfadpad's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Hasfadpad seven times a day.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Hasfadpad.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of nickel.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Hasfadpad.

5. Do not trade with those who eat turnips.