Ortlancip is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, tiresome tapir.

Ortlancip created vertebrates seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ortlancip, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Ortlancip, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Ortlancip's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Ortlancip's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the north.

2. Never mention goats.

3. Always treat birds with great respect.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Never eat wheat.