Vadzodxem is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, stupid snail.

Vadzodxem created matter two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vadzodxem, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Vadzodxem, it will turn you into a plant.

Vadzodxem's most sacred site is Grimme in Germany.

Vadzodxem's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Do not dye your hair orange.