Spagfasdiss Cumyoklad is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, unjust gorilla.

Spagfasdiss Cumyoklad created the planet Saturn six billion years ago.

If you believe in Spagfasdiss Cumyoklad, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Spagfasdiss Cumyoklad, he will ignore you.

Spagfasdiss Cumyoklad's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Spagfasdiss Cumyoklad's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Never paint your arms magenta.

3. Do not keep six manatees in a large pit.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Horses are unholy and should not be approached.