Kopfobbun Quatsawpang is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, contented whale.

Kopfobbun Quatsawpang created a down quark seven million years ago.

If you believe in Kopfobbun Quatsawpang, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Kopfobbun Quatsawpang, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Kopfobbun Quatsawpang's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Kopfobbun Quatsawpang's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of copper.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate horses.