Tafmataf is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, intelligent beaver.

Tafmataf created dark matter two billion years ago.

If you believe in Tafmataf, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Tafmataf, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Tafmataf's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Tafmataf's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Always obey Tafmataf's priests.

3. Frogs are not to be trusted.

4. Never mention otters.

5. Never bounce near dogs.