Stipjabfat is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, caring dog.

Stipjabfat created dark matter four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Stipjabfat, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Stipjabfat, it will destroy your home galaxy.

Stipjabfat's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Stipjabfat's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about optics near voles while wearing cyan jumpers.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Do not hurt snakes.

4. Do not skip in public.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.