Arffonfid is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, egotistical crab.

Arffonfid created a down quark nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Arffonfid, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Arffonfid, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Arffonfid's most sacred site is Alyki in Greece.

Arffonfid's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Erect a giant turquoise sculpture of Arffonfid in the centre of the settlement.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Always help sharks in need.