Kikbarnspag is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, unselfish naga.

Kikbarnspag created vertebrates eight million years ago.

If you believe in Kikbarnspag, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Kikbarnspag, it will attempt to scare you with floods.

Kikbarnspag's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Kikbarnspag's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear mauve.

2. Always treat horses with great respect.

3. Never wear turquoise shorts.

4. Do not dye your hair white.

5. Do not kill mites.