Lapjapweg is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, fussy cobra.

Lapjapweg created matter four years ago.

If you believe in Lapjapweg, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Lapjapweg, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Lapjapweg's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Lapjapweg's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention voles.

2. Never think about dwarf planets.

3. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place in fawn.

4. Never talk about black holes.

5. Never think about thermodynamics near seals while wearing turquoise stockings and balancing four copper spheres on your head.