Koplamciss is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, generous tortoise.

Koplamciss created the planet Earth five million years ago.

If you believe in Koplamciss, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Koplamciss, she will turn you into a rock.

Koplamciss' most sacred site is Pontelandolfo in Italy.

Koplamciss' Holy Commandments

1. Run away from indigo otters, for they are unholy.

2. Put Koplamciss first in all things.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Never wear purple stockings.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.