Quam is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, fast owl.

Quam created the Sun two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quam, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Quam, it will make you grow a tail.

Quam's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Quam's Holy Commandments

1. Learn three new languages a year.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never wear mauve hats.

4. Paint representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Quam.