Fagfutnart Venvonpak is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, tiresome skunk.

Fagfutnart Venvonpak created a strange quark two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fagfutnart Venvonpak, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Fagfutnart Venvonpak, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Fagfutnart Venvonpak's most sacred site is Shengyou in China.

Fagfutnart Venvonpak's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Never go into mauve rooms.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Never feed aubergines to turtles while wearing violet stockings.

5. Always take life seriously.